Monday, September 17, 2012

Limbo: A place of reflecting

I've been in Abu Dhabi for two weeks now. I returned after my summer vacation in NYC with my family. This is not my first time here. It's actually my second year teaching in Abu Dhabi. Last year I came here to basically clear my mind. To get away from what felt like and still feels like a life that I wasn't really living. I mean it was me, in my body, being a wife , sister and friend. I thought it was perfect even with all its flaws. And then the title of wife was involuntary taken away from me. My husband sits me down one day and tells me he doesn't love me anymore. After seven years this is what I hear. Then everything became, surreal. Like a dream. Nothing felt real and still feels unbelievable to me. God I'm not paranoid or delusional, I understand what has happened and the demise of my marriage. I'm aware of the tragedy that my life now reflects. But still, I'm in shock. My whole world has been shattered to mere shards of images of a life I thought I knew but now know I didn't. And here I am. In Limbo. Literally! Being in the desert of Abu Dhabi is not all the glitz and glam of the TV commercials. Here, where I am reflects the isolation and confusion in my mind and in my surrounding. Nothing but vast hills of orange and tan colored sand dunes into the horizon mixed in with the new and old culture. A mixture of beauty and rubble. A mixture of two worlds battling for existence. A mixture of my memories of my husband and him walking out the door. Only one will win. They can't both exist peacefully without a fight. Right? Iyanla Vanzant calls this place "The Valley". A place where change is happening whether you want it or not. A place where the rug was pulled from underneath you and you feel like your world is falling apart. A place so deep you feel like you can't stop sinking. You're trying to breathe and make sense of it all. Here in the desert, the other teachers I call it Limbo. Everyone here seems to be waiting to transition to something or somewhere better or to be better. Well, almost everyone. There are answers here in Limbo and lessons I have to learn. Is it bad if you don't want to learn it? You just want your husband back?

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