Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Change... it's always constant

It's been a month since I've blogged. A lot of changes have been going on in my life.  My intention was to blog about my amazing Christmas vacation to Vietnam and Cambodia.  Wow!! What an experience!  I'd like to tell you more about it but first I have to tell you why I haven't blogged in so long. Not only have I been traveling, I've also been transitioning.

After coming back from a three week vacation in Vietnam and Cambodia feeling great, I arrived back to my villa in Abu Dhabi on January 4th. Three days later I was on a plane to NYC.  Yes, just like that I was out of there!  It was so unexpected that I even shocked myself. I walked into my apartment, dropped my things and looked around.  I immediately felt the urge to leave.  I didn't know what it was?  Maybe seeing all my school work lying around?  Or the idea that I was back in a remote area of the country?  I just knew I had to go.  And so, hysterically emotional and all, I did.

I was very confused by my actions. I didn't make sense.  Leaving my job in the middle of a school year made me feel guilty.  I also would be sacrificing the end of  my contract bonus, traveling during school breaks, and the Kanye West tickets on Yas Island!  Ugh! It's killing me!!  Why would I sacrifice all of these things that will unfold in just  6 months?!  That's not a long time?

 I initially told my job I would only be away for a week.   I thought if I came back to New York it would knock some sense into me.  I would come back, feel the love from family and friends in NYC and feel energized to go back!  But that's not what happened.

I waited until the last minute to make my decision official.  I consulted others, meditated, prayed.  I knew all along what I would do but I was trying to talk myself out of it. It didn't work.

So here I am in NYC.  Although I know it's the right decision I'm sad.   A lot of great things happened in Abu Dhabi.  I met great friends, did a lot of traveling and had a new experience.  I think back to when I first was interviewed for the job. I was very indecisive. My husband had just left me.  I was on an emotional roller coaster and I felt like I couldn't breathe in NYC.  I knew I needed to do something but was this it?  One of the people who conducted the interview was a Muslim woman wrapped and covered from head to toe.  She said "listen to me. If you do this, even just for a year or when ever you decide to leave, I guarantee that you will learn something about yourself".  I signed the contract right then and there.

I definitely have grown and still have a lot of growing to do.  I learned that the world is big and open to possibilities.  That I can do anything I set my mind to.  That change means I'm growing.  That we are more connected in this world than we think.  That my story is important and telling it can heal others.  And that my life is purposeful and constantly changing for the better.